just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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