how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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