So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize