I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Randomize
