Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
