i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
