my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Randomize
