Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
