I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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