I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
