i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
