mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
where are you?
Hypothermia
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
