speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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