thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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