alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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