please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
