the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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