went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
