life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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