I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
