She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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