i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
