you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Randomize
