Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Randomize
