just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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