Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
