it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
