we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize