You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
