if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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