I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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