And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Randomize
