today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
