Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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