A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
