i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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