I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize