yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Life is so much better after having sex.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
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