New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
