chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
