This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
