My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
