Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
