I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
