I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize
