i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
