its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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