I am in a vortex of obligation.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
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