just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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