I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
He shit in the fireplace
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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