just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Randomize
