Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
