Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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