Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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