my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
