If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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