Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Someone signed my nipple.
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