i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
