Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Randomize
