Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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