Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
