Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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