xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
