Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize