things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
