so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
