Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
